It’s been about a year since my first post on this blog. It’s gone through renovations, breaks and confusing days. Perhaps I’ve lost a lot of what I wanted this platform to be for me on the way — all through my phases of creating and deleting websites in an effort to prove to myself that I was wiser and more independent. But the truth is, I was never dependent on a creative outlet to feel better — just engaging in that catharsis was in fact something that helped make me feel better.
A lot has happened this year. Just as a lot would always happen in the previous years. But with love, loss and grief, it is not so much the events I care to share or even remember. It is the parable that lied within every event that I hope to retain, not just for my future, but to be able to be grateful.
Grateful today — for everything.
So, I wonder if I live on a few years from today, will I look back and find solace? Will I choose to forget all the good and pain? Will I dive into more knots and dismiss what could have saved me?
About a year ago, I planned certain plans and wanted certain wants. If someone had told me I wouldn’t be wanting half of them a year from that day I wouldn’t have believed it. I wanted to get married so badly and start a family. Today I want to get divorced so badly and run away.
Who knows what I’ll want tomorrow, right? I just pray it all counts for something — even if I can’t see or feel that now.
I thought this featured photo could symbolize the quite cold abyss of dramatic life choices and events. It’s also a paradoxically relaxing photograph for me to look at. Solve that poetic mystery.