العفو

Every now and then, there is another lesson that creeps its way into our lives, sometimes politely and other times with a smack in the jaw and hit in the stomach. Parables that so conspicuously and unmistakably align like poetry with an event or a moment or a feeling. A tension or an exaggeration or an elation or a dip in emotion.

Lessons not for everyone, and lucky are we, should our Lord design for us lessons to trickle their way into our consciousness. Unlucky are we when we don’t feel the hit. Unheeding we’ve become when it’s raining and we see a sandstorm. When it’s flooding and we don’t feel any more wet.

I learned about forgiveness yesterday. And sure we’ve been taught forgiveness is letting go of that weight against a thing, sure we know that it’s peaceful, sure we know you can forgive and not forget a painful experience…but I don’t think you ever really learn forgiveness until you quit feeling the pain. The pain doesn’t stop, you just focus your nerves on another section of your body, and it releases from the suffering…it flies off and stops feeding on the grinds of your teeth.

Forgiving isn’t easy, God it’s not close to being easy. Real forgiveness is possibly of the greatest ventures your heart will ever endure, should it even last through it without wanting to rewind and avenge its rightful right. Should it not desire to reverse the evil that’s been done to it. Should it decide that letting it go is the better option — and the Day of Judgment is the better court of justice.

Oh, Allah it is so difficult!

I love myself. And I love my rights. And I hate oppressors. And I hate to be oppressed. But forgiveness is better. Forgiveness for later. Releasing on purpose. Unknowing after a keen eye. Detaching after appropriate responses. Forgiveness is always better, I guess.

التغافل

Let me find that spot inside my heart that hurts, clinch and pick it out on purpose. Let me choose the pain I want to feel at the time I want to feel it. Let me give the pain-giver(s) a sidelong glance and smile, because I’m going to decide that I didn’t hear that. That I didn’t feel that. It’s not bottling up anything, it’s releasing everything.

It’s allowing space in there, to love for real, to hope for real, to think with zeal.

May Allah ease for us real forgiveness. May He teach us about its inner workings that carry a soul into the highest heavens. May we stay awake during the lesson; work with it, play with it, and roll our hearts to mold into peace with worship.

Amen.